


Stay and Run at the Same Time

by Tleighblack



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Cheating, Emotionally Repressed, Gay Sex, Hand Jobs, Infidelity, M/M, Oral Sex, Semi-Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 07:13:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19997959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tleighblack/pseuds/Tleighblack
Summary: Callum and Ben's first time at the park.





	Stay and Run at the Same Time

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing.  
> I am completely enamored with this couple and need more content.  
> Please be aware Whit is mentioned in this fic. She is canon and there is not really a way around it. She is only mentioned briefly.
> 
> This is completely unedited other than a quick once over. Any and all suggestions would be appreciated.

The first time he had sex with Whitney was amazing. Technically it was the first time he'd had sex with anyone but still. He was really nervous and his side hurt like fire from the shrapnel but Whit had been sweet and careful. He had always heard the way the boys talked about sex like it was the best thing ever, and now he knew why. It was feeling like he was going to soar out of his skin. Feeling closer to another person than he had ever felt in his life like finally, someone could really see him. He was safe and warm and about to take flight like a rocket all at the same time. Afterward, Whit had been even more brilliant. She had said all the right things to make him feel comfortable. That is was okay to laugh, or to be hungry or just joke around. He loved her so much, he really did. 

The first time he has sex with Ben is not anywhere near like having sex with Whitney. He is so wound up. All week Ben has been poking at him. Little jabs and digs to make him nervous. He was so confused. It didn't help Ben never reacts the way Callum thinks he should. Luring a guy to a dark park and telling him you want to smash him with a brick should get a different reaction. Ben’s demeanor changes lighting quick from one moment to the next and Callum can barely keep up. Callum finds himself telling Ben all of the worries and doubts filling him up without really understanding how they get to that point. The pressure is building inside of him until he is sure he is going to burst apart at the seams. The moment Ben reaches out and touches his face is like being brought into focus. Everything in Callum quiets and all he can see is Ben. His fingertips are warm against Callum's cheek. Ben’s light touch coaxes him forward without any real pressure. That first kiss is easy and gentle. Ben’s scruff is scratching against his upper lip and his lips are soft. Ben pulls back and just looks at him. He gives Callum all the power and waits so patiently. The first kiss is like coming home. 

It also opens the floodgates. When Callum moves back in, it's like he’s possessed. He can’t get enough. Ben’s mouth opens against his and his hands cradle Callum's face. Callum attacks the buttons on his jacket and the shirt underneath. He just wants to feel Ben against his skin. Ben’s hands are everywhere on Callum’s body and he feels like he is going up in flames. Ben doesn’t go for the buttons on his shirt, just pulls Callum’s shirt up from the bottom. His hands slide under and settle on the warm skin at the small of Callum’s back, pulling him forward. Callum rocks forward and can't help the small moan that escapes when he feels hardness behind Ben’s jeans. Callum doesn’t think he has ever been so turned on in his life. Ben’s hands are firm and steadying, holding Callum against him. His mouth skims down the column of Callum’s throat and he lets his head fall back to give Ben more access. He feels completely uncoordinated like his hands don’t belong to his body. He finally just wraps them around Ben’s shoulders hanging on for dear life, while Ben takes him apart with his mouth. He curls his fingers around Ben’s face to maneuver his lips back to his because honestly, he can’t think of anything that feels better than kissing Ben right now. That thought holds until Ben manages to get his jeans open and slides his hand in. The second Ben cups around Callum’s erection all thoughts screech to a stop. Ben’s hand is large and slightly rough and Callums never felt anything so amazing in his life. He pulls back and rests his forehead against Ben’s letting his hands drop to his shoulders, gripping tightly and uses all his willpower to keep from coming right there. Ben is nudging slightly at him, trying to get their mouths back together but Callum can’t handle that right now. He shakes his head and Ben immediately goes stock still. 

“Wait, wait,” Callum breathes in, trying to calm himself a little. After what feels like an eternity Callum opens his eyes to Ben and takes in the beautiful sight before him. Ben is barely breathing, standing still as a statue. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are wide. He’s watching Callum like he’s a skittish animal that is about to bolt. Callum leans forward, slotting his mouth over Ben’s and grinding slightly into the hand cupping him. This seems to restart Ben and his hand cups more firmly while using the other arm to haul Callum more securely against him. Callum’s drowning in Ben’s mouth, tongues sliding against each other and then Ben’s hand changes grip, curling around Callum, his thumb rubbing circles over the head of his cock and Callums knees buckle.

Ben staggers under the sudden extra weight and sorta collapses against the picnic table. It's like a baby giraffe fell on him. He can’t really move because Callum’s got him trapped against the table and his hand is pinned between their bodies. Callum pulls back suddenly, all wild eyes and apologies but he can’t go far because Ben still has a hand down his pants. 

The whole situation is so absurd that Callum can’t help the slight chuckle that escapes and he watches as Ben’s face changes from concerned to amused in a nanosecond. “Sorry, didn’t mean to crush ya,” Callum feels shy suddenly and tries to figure out what to do. His hands are on Ben’s shoulders and the leather feels smooth under his fingertips. He can smell Ben’s aftershave and feel his breath ghosting across his lips and his eyes locked onto him.

“It’s alright. I knew you was weak for me but didn’t realize you was gonna fall _on_ me like a ton of bricks.” Ben's grin is open and sincere. Callum wants to touch Ben but he is afraid. Ben removes his hand carefully from Callum’s pants and Callum whines at the loss of contact, his hips moving involuntarily trying to follow Ben. Ben uses his distraction to switch their positions. He crowds up close to Callum, kissing him gently as he begins to unbutton his shirt. Once Callum’s shirt is completely undone he trails kisses down his neck. Ben’s hands roam over his chest, tugging lightly at a nipple causing Callum to tighten his grip on his jacket. Ben’s breath is hot on his cheek and his voice is wrecked as he whispers in Callum's ear, “Please, touch me.” 

That is what Callum needs apparently, permission. He goes to work like when he would put together a new dish. He focuses on his hands as he unbuttons Ben's shirt, letting his fingers skim over each new area of skin that is presented. He is fascinated by the feel of him under his touch. Ben reacts to each press, each light stroke, shivering slightly under Callum's gentle exploration. Callum wants to taste the skin under Ben's jaw to see if it is different from his lips so he does. He leans in and presses his lips to the hard line of Ben's jaw and nuzzles up to his ear. The stubble tickles his lips and scratches against his tongue when he dips out to taste. The groan that sounds in his ear encourages him and he sucks lightly just to hear it again. Ben clutches at his hips and rubs his erection into Callum's thigh. Callum shifts slightly trying to get more friction against his own cock. He feels like he keeps swinging from slow to hyperdrive and back again but he still isn't quite sure how to go about this. This feels more awkward than the first time he had sex because at least then he knew somewhat how to perform. He'd seen videos online. Callum had never plucked up the courage to look at two blokes doing it so he is kinda in the dark on what comes next. He is frustrated and overwhelmed and he wants to touch Ben everywhere and he can't even figure out how to get his jeans open right now. Callum's breath hitches when Ben slides his leg in between his and pushes up slightly. The feeling of pressure that Ben is putting against him refocuses him and he kisses him wetly, letting his tongue slide into that velvet mouth.  
'This is heaven,' he thinks sinking more onto the table, sighing when Ben follows him, his weight anchoring Callum to the table and making him feel safe. The slight change in position gives him enough room to get his hands between them and work at Ben's belt. When his trousers give way under Callum's hands, Callum doesn't hesitate. He basically shoves his hand down Ben's pants and wraps a hand around his cock. Ben's hips stutter forward and Callum feels slick wetness as he brushes the tip of his cock. If the noises Ben was making before were good the keening sound he makes now is electric. It tingles over his skin. Callum has never felt so powerful as he does right now. Ben's head drops to Callum's chest and his breathing is harsh. The position that Callum has his hand in puts pressure on his own cock trapped in his pants as he just holds Ben in his palm. He realizes that he isn't sure how to proceed at this point but it doesn't really matter. Ben has apparently reached his breaking point. He's come to the conclusion that Callum is actually going to follow through with this and not run away screaming so he takes over and drives the pace forward. 

Ben shoves his jeans open and down enough so his erection springs free and Callum has room to maneuver, then mirrors the move with Callum's jeans. He reaches into the pocket of his jacket and pulls out a packet of lube. Using his teeth to rip it open, he leans back just enough to drizzle some over his cock and Callum's hand before smearing the rest over his own palm. He grips the back of Callum's head to pull him in for a kiss as he grips Callum's cock and gives it a firm stroke. Callum nearly dies with the sensation. The smooth, wet pull on his cock, the feel of Ben in his hand, Ben's tongue delving into his mouth and the steadying hand holding him at the back of his neck shatter him completely. He wraps his free arm around Ben's lower back to give him an anchor and begins to stroke Ben. The lube feels slick as it spreads between his fingers curling around heated flesh. He tries to match Ben's strokes on his own erection but he's finding it hard to create a rhythm with all of the overwhelming sensations. Ben moves his hips just a little closer and suddenly their hands are touching. Callum is able to follow the pace that Ben sets, moaning into the heat of his mouth. 

Callum never knew it could be like this. There is a liquid heat crawling up his spine, the warmth of bare skin against his chest, the frosty air nipping at the exposed skin and it suddenly becomes too much. Without warning, Callum loses the battle he has been fighting. Fireworks go off behind his eyes as the pooling heat in his pelvis suddenly explodes. He feels the wetness that drenches them both as he comes, trying to keep the rhythm that Ben has set but finding it impossible to concentrate on anything other than the fact he thinks he might pass out from the pleasure. He buries his face in Ben's neck and holds on for dear life. Ben makes a noise that Callum didn't know was possible from a human being as his hips start to thrust hard into Callum's tight grip and he follows him over the edge. 

Callum tries to control his breathing because he thinks he might be having a heart attack. Ben is a heavy, comforting weight against him, pressing him into the picnic table. His breathing is harsh and ragged against Callum's neck and Callum can feel him shaking against him. Ben pulls back a little and looks up to meet Callum's eyes. Without really thinking about it Callum brushes Ben's lips lightly with his own, unable to do much more. Ben smiles slightly and Callum is amazed at how relaxed he looks. Ben never really looks relaxed, even when he is slinking around like a panther on the prowl. There is always tension in his shoulders, a stiff line to his back. Now, he looks like he could melt into a puddle. 'I did that,' Callum thinks to himself, feeling just a little proud. Ben pulls some wet wipes out of his pocket and proceeds to clean off his hand and then himself. Callum just watches, feeling a little goofy. Ben pulls out another wipe and takes Callum's hand into his and gently cleans it off. When he begins to wipe away the evidence from Callum's cock, Callum hisses slightly, clutching onto his shoulders. 

"Oversensitive, are we? " Ben murmurs under his breath.  
"Yeah, I think my brains might be scrambled a bit as well. Not that I have much to begin with." Callum ducks his head, embarrassed.  
Ben uses his head to nudge at Callum's chin and kisses him lightly when he looks up. "I think you are brilliant, especially right now. I feel like jelly."  
"So, it was alright then." Callum stares at him hoping that he did as well as he thinks he did. He is rewarded with a smile that reaches Ben's eyes making them sparkle. He doesn't think he has ever seen anything so beautiful in his life. Ben crowds close to him wrapping arms around his neck, pulling him down into a fierce kiss. He responds in kind, wanting nothing more than to wrap himself around Ben and never let go. 

He becomes aware that Ben's belt is digging uncomfortably into his exposed hip after a minute. The chill in the air is also starting to seep through his clothes. Ben pulls back and after studying him for a moment reaches out and tucks him away into his jeans and moves away just enough to start doing up his own clothes. Callum follows his lead, feeling a little disappointed that it's over. As he finishes straightening his clothes, Ben grabs his hand and pulls him toward the park gate. 

"Where we going?" Callum clutches his hand, trailing along behind him like a lost puppy. Ben just ignores him and keeps on moving. Callum spends half a second worrying that someone might see them until he decides he doesn't care right now. He is content to follow Ben wherever he might go. It dawns on him that they are heading toward the car lot. Ben never lets go, simply switching hands when he needs to get his keys out of his pocket. Once he has the door open he finally releases Callum's hand as he pushes him through like he's afraid that Callum was gonna run away if he let him go for a moment. Callum isn't sure he wouldn't have. Ben makes him want to run and stay at the same time, a constant push-pull that leaves him tied up in knots. 

Right now though, he just wants Ben to kiss him again. So he pushes Ben up against the door, traps his face in his hands and plunders his mouth. Kissing Ben is addictive like fire is running through his veins and making him burn up from the inside out. Ben makes a surprised noise in his throat before getting with the program. He pushes slightly at Callum's chest, moving him back just enough to turn on the light and lock the door before throwing his keys on the desk. Callum nuzzles at Ben's neck with wet open mouthed kisses while his hands roam everywhere trying to touch all of him at once. Ben is pushing at his shoulders and it takes Callum a moment to realize he is trying to get his jacket off. Callum shrugs out of it before moving his attention to Ben's shirt, working the buttons as quick as he can. Ben's leather jacket drops to the floor as he uses his body to push Callum back towards the couch. Callum is caught off guard when his legs hit the edge of the couch and buckle under him and he goes down hard. Unfortunately, he still has ahold of Ben and pulls him full force down on top of himself, getting an elbow in the chest and the wind knocked out of him. He freezes for a moment to catch his breath but bursts out laughing when he catches the look on Ben's face. Ben looks completely shocked at the turn of events. He is laying awkwardly on top of Callum and half falling off the couch. Callum wraps his arms tightly around him to keep him from crashing to the floor and buries his face in Ben's chest while he tries to get himself under control. They are both laughing into each other's space. Ben starts to maneuver himself back into a comfortable position and Callum's laughter cuts off as Ben accidentally grounds down against his crotch. He is instantly hard again and reaches down trying to find out if Ben has reacted in a similar fashion. Ben gets ahold of his wrists before he can do more than brush against him and pushes them back to either side of his head. 

"No, no. No touching until I say. Alright?" Ben stares directly into his eyes and Callum's mouth goes dry, powerless to do anything other than nod. The pressure on his wrists lightens and when he goes to move them with Ben the pressure increases again, holding him down. There is a warning look on Ben's face and when he moves his hands again Callum leaves his where they are. A self-satisfied smirk spreads across Ben's face and he sits up slowly, adjusting his legs so he is straddling Callum. It's a tight fit and one of his feet is actually resting on the floor but it gives him leverage and Callum closes his eyes as Ben's weight shifts across his pelvic region. 

His shirt is hanging open and Callum watches as he finishes stripping it off. He leans down and unbuttons Callum's shirt pushing it off to the side as his hands stroke up and down Callum's chest and abdomen. Callum begins to writhe under Ben's ministrations, trying to arch closer for contact without moving his hands. Ben chuckles as he scoots back just a bit, flicking open the button on Callum's jeans and fixing him with a hooded stare. Now Callum can't move, can't even breathe. He feels like he is balancing on the edge of a cliff and Ben is the only thing holding him to the ground. The problem is he isn't sure if he wants Ben to hold him steady or push him off. The sound of his zipper opening is so loud in the stillness that he flinches a little. Ben just tugs his jeans and underwear down past his hips and then just looks at him. Callum feels suddenly shy under the weight of Ben's stare and is just about to cover himself when Ben breathes out a single word, 

"Beautiful." 

Callum feels himself blush from head to toe. No one has ever said that about him before. He can't take his eyes off of Ben and when Ben finally meets his gaze he can't help himself. He moves his arms to push himself up to his elbows and reaches out for Ben. He stops short of touching him and begs breathlessly, "Please."

Ben snaps out of whatever trance he is in and swoops down to capture Callum's mouth. Callum wraps his arms around and up Ben's back to clutch at his shoulders as Ben kisses him like he is a lifeline. He gets his hands onto Ben's waist and starts tugging at his belt and jeans. He kicks off his shoes so that he can kick his pants the rest of the way off as Ben lifts off of him some so that he can shimmy his own pants down and off along with his shoes. Callum kisses over Ben's chest above him, hands roaming, delighted that he can touch this way. There is some awkwardness as they get naked. Callum is still trying to explore Ben's chest when he swings around to push his shoes off and Callum almost gets an elbow to the face. Ben comes down slightly too hard when he moves around to settle in between Callum's legs and nearly brains himself on Callum's shoulder. They are laughing and kissing and Callum doesn't think he has ever felt this great in his entire life. Ben is hovering above him, his weight pressing Callum into the scratchy fabric of the couch, and everything feels right. 

'This is right,' Callum thinks to himself. He starts to rut up against Ben and suddenly there are hands pushing against his hips and Ben is sucking on his neck, making shushing sounds. It takes Callum a moment to realize he is making these high pitched whimpering noises and he tries to control himself. Ben is moving lower and lower, his mouth leaving a wet, warm trail down Callum's torso. He laves his nipples with his tongue. He dips into his belly button and lingers on the scar to side of it with soft kisses. He bites at Callum's hip and chuckles when he arches up against the slight sting. He looks down and meets Ben's eyes, breathlessly anticipating every touch. Ben smirks wickedly at him before engulfing Callum's cock in his mouth. Callum surges up at the unexpected pleasure that shoots through him. Ben makes a choking sound and pulls off. He pins Callum's hips down and shoots him a dirty look. 

"Sorry, sorry. Wasn't expecting that," Callum tries to look as sorry as possible with the hope that Ben will go back to it as quickly as possible.  
"Try not to kill me right off, otherwise this night is going south real quick," Ben looks stern but slightly amused. Callum nods enthusiastically and concentrates on holding still when Ben encloses him in wet warmth again. Callum has never experienced sensations like this before. It is as if every nerve ending in his body is suddenly connected to his cock. Ben's tongue is magic, making long slurping strokes and little kitten licks. The stubble on his face is scratching the inside of Callum's thighs and driving him insane. The pressure of his hand on Callum's hip holding his steady and his other coming up to grasp Callum by the base of his cock is heavenly. Callum isn't sure what to do with his hands and finally settles for cradling Ben's head between his legs, carding his fingers into his hair and trying hard not to push him harder into his pelvis. He fingers start to scrabble at the back of Ben's neck as he feels the pressure start to build right behind his balls. He lifts his head to look down at Ben and tries to get out the words, "Ben, Ben... I'm gonna.." He is breathing so hard he can't really get the words out and then every thought flies out of his head as Ben shifts slightly to meet his eyes for a moment before increasing the suction and reaching down to roll his balls in his hand gently. Callum lets his head fall back as his vision whites out and he comes down Ben's throat. 

Callum's whole body falls back bonelessly as he comes back to himself. Ben moves back up his body, braces himself over Callum and kisses him hard. Callum clings to Ben, tasting himself on his tongue, rocking up into his body. He realizes that Ben is wanking himself off tucked tightly in the vee of Callum's legs as he kisses Callum desperately. Callum tries to get his body to cooperate so that he can help Ben. He wraps one hand around the one Ben is moving furiously over himself. Really, he is just hanging on for the ride but it makes him feel better, like he's helping. When Ben comes over their joined hands some of it splashes warmly on Callum's stomach and then he collapses on top of Callum, breathing hard. Callum moves the arm around Ben's back to stroke him lightly up and down, moving over his shoulders, down his spine, to the small of his back. He stops just before the swell of Ben's butt not sure if he should and then just reverses his path back up Ben's back. Ben mumbles something into his chest and Callum shifts trying to figure out what he said. 

"Wha was that?" Callum cranes his neck trying to see Ben's face. Ben drags his face up just a bit and repeats, "I'll move in just a minute, once I get feeling back." Callum just laughs and continues to stroke up and down Ben's back, enjoying the feeling of just being at peace for a moment. Too soon Ben moves, pushing himself up with a groan. He staggers naked to the desk and rummages in a drawer pulling out more wet wipes. Callum enjoys the view when Ben runs the wipe over himself. He shivers when Ben fixes him with an appreciative look, then comes over and cleans him up with efficient but gentle strokes. 

Callum pushes himself up into sitting position and it's as if a switch gets flipped in his head. Ben is still staring at him somewhat fondly and Callum is suddenly conscious that they are both completely naked. He reaches for his clothes and starts to get dressed. Ben frowns in response, "Leaving so soon?"  
Callum continues to dress, struggling into his jeans as he searches for one of his shoes. "Yah, gotta go. Whit might be waiting." He wishes he hadn't said her name because Ben's face shutters immediately.  
"Wouldn't want to worry the lovely lady, now would we?" Ben's voice still sounds hoarse from their earlier activities but there is an edge that hasn't been there since they kissed. He starts to get dressed as well. Callum is doing his best not to look at him directly but he can't help but shoot him glances out of the corner of his eye. They are both completely dressed before he looks at Ben properly again. Ben finished before him and is holding his jacket out wordlessly. Callum takes it from him and shrugs into it slowly.

The awkwardness is settling heavily and Callum desperately wants it to be 10 minutes ago when everything felt right. Ben is staring at him with a closed off face and Callum really wishes he could be inside Ben's head right now, to know what he is thinking.  
Without really thinking it through, Callum surges forward and grabs Ben face in his hands. He closes his eyes as their lips meet and feels Ben open up under him. He kisses him until he can't breathe, until he can't remember his own name. Just one more time. Ben is pulling him forward by his waist and holding on like a drowning man. Callum pulls back and rests his forehead against Ben's and just breathes him in. He doesn't open his eyes until he pulls away and reaches for the door. The sight of Ben standing there kills him. He just wants to stay but that isn't fair for anyone. He gives a half-hearted wave and then unlocks the door and goes through it. 

He doesn't allow himself to think about anything but getting home. He is quiet when he comes in and peeks in on Whit. She is already asleep and looks like an angel. He is silent as he can be as he goes to take a shower. When he crawls in bed with Whit, she turns and curls into him in her sleep. She nuzzles at him sleepily as she drifts back off. Callum doesn't sleep a wink that night. He feels guilty about cheating and he keeps replaying the night's events in his head. He can't figure out how he got to where he is now. He comes to the conclusion that he is a terrible person. He cheated on Whit. He loves her so much and now he's ruined it. It will hurt her so much. He doesn't want to hurt her. 

Strangely, though he refuses to acknowledge it, the picture that really keeps him up all night is the sight of Ben, standing alone in the portacabin, the look of hope on his face and how much Callum just wanted to stay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. This is just my take on their first time. Ben was in too good of a mood the next day for it to have gone horribly wrong at the end so this is my version of events. Ben almost always looks put together unless he is super drunk or getting beat up so wet wipes. Also with all of his hookups, Ben strikes me as the type to be prepared for anything. Please be kind. I haven't really written any type of sex before.


End file.
